Am I the only one that feels like some part of them is still gonna feel like a ten year old when they are eighty years old? There are days when I feel my actual age, days I feel like a little kid, days I feel like an uncomfortable teen and others where I feel like an energetic all for fun and no responsibility teenager. Then of course there are the days that really suck, where I feel as though I am already eighty years old because of all of the aches and pains of life. Unfortunately it is not a life well lived, but rather one that I have screwed up too many times to count and my body, mind, and lifestyle are suffering from a combination of bad choices and being accident prone, both in and out of the home. I’ve been injured so many times, including multiple car accidents and no not even one has been my fault, Hell I was not even driving in the majority of accidents I just seem to attract bad drivers to whatever car I happen to be in. I’ve even fallen down stairs multiple times ranging from the comical, like when I was so busy looking at a guy in a bar and grill in Seattle that I tripped and half fell down the thankfully small set of stairs, to the less comical apparent multiple falls down a flight of stairs as a small toddler (this one I’ve heard about from my mother who says that the hospital thought I was being abused because it happened so frequently). Last year I slipped and fell when we had a large storm and I fell off a small dividing wall when I was trying to step down and this year I get to have surgery to fix my foot that did not heal properly. Anyway, I’ve reached the point in my life where I have realized just how much of it was wasted being stupid or afraid. Hell, I still waste the vast majority of my life wasting time being stupid or afraid because I let a serious lack of self esteem guide so many of my decisions while failing to do anything to make it better. Lately I have been thinking of all of the things that I need to do to put my life on the path that it should have been on years ago. I finally have a college education to support me, this despite many wrong decisions that led to me having dropped out of high school and getting my G.E.D., and yet I am wasting my education by doing nothing with it. I loved running, getting outside, and swimming until my fear of embarrassment took over and started hiding me in a corner. Maybe I should channel a bit of Dirty Dancing and remember that nobody puts baby in the corner. Of course my inner Scarlett O’hara is always pushing me to think “I’ll think about that tomorrow”. Well Scarlett we are running out of tomorrows and now we may need to let baby out of the corner.
As I am Bitter Betty number one I will make this about me, until the other two decide to contribute to something more than the name. I am a graduate of UNLV, but am native to California, and while my personality prefers California, my bank account (though quite empty at the moment) prefers Las Vegas. I am quite contrary in my personality, in that I am both quite opinionated, and pretty much an introvert. A bit of an enigma I suppose. I am a huge animal lover with dreams of starting my own animal sanctuary. I love crafting, arts, and music of all sorts, and have many interests if I could just get myself to stay out of pain long enough, or focus on one particular thing long enough, to perfect it. I have been in multiple car accidents (none of which were my fault thank you very much as I was usually the passenger), have been told that I likely have fibromyalgia (but for some reason I can't get my doctors to further explore the issue), suffer from chronic migraines, as well as every other kind of headache that exists, and a laundry list of problems associated with these issues and because of this I can't attack my various interests as often, or as voraciously as I would like, and have been out of work for several years. I'd like to get my own business started so that I could bring in an income while having the freedom that I need in performing a job that allows me to stop and start as needed in order to avoid as much pain as possible.